Criticism

I've been taking a really close look at how Mitri and I interact when he's offering negative input--how I take in and process criticism and the nature of criticism itself.

From Unschooling Talk:

I can't think of a time when Mitri's negative input has been off. Can't find one time. I can think of at least twice when I responded in defense of myself, indignantly in one case. Both times, it felt off and really counterproductive. In the case of my indignant response, I won the argument in the sense that he stopped giving me negative input. But really, I hurled a whole lot of accurate information at him that completely ignored the also-accurate root of what he was saying.

Why? My self (according to my perception) was damaged and in need of repair, I guess. It's a really entrenched human thing to put a lot of time and effort into protecting the self. Probably functional if it's here. Always dysfunctional to a certain extent.

Through parenting, though, I'm discovering a new ability. The ability to agree. It feels good at those times when I'm not invested in protecting the self to just look at it and see what he's talking about. He wouldn't be bringing something up if there weren't really something to bring up. This nonthreatening space is one that I like to be in and expand. If I can be in this space with adults, that feels good, too.

Why in the situation where I responded defensively and "won" did I feel the need to do so? There's a fear of feeling less-than that leaves me feeling weak and unsupported. As I keep experiencing and questioning that fear, I see that we're always a mixture of the opposites, so why should I feel so threatened by having opposing qualities within me?

Still exploring that.